Can't cum? Here are 8 tips for better orgasms

Looking for ”the big O”? The climax you’ve heard so much about, but never experienced?

You are not alone! AND you’re completely normal..

We’ve made this guide with our best tips to orgasm, if you too often find yourself struggling.   

It might sound contradictory, but most people find that the best way to reach an orgasm happens when they stop chasing it and instead focus on pleasure in having sex – whether you do it alone or with a partner.  

Other than that you should focus on getting to know your body and learn as you go: What feels good? Are there other spots that feel good when touched, that you haven’t thought of before? Most human beings with female genitalia can reach orgasm solely by vaginal stimulation. Most need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.



Can’t orgasm? It’s extremely normal that women don’t orgasm as easily as men do during what many people think of when using the term sex: heterosexual penetrative sex. So don’t feel wrong if you haven’t experienced ’La petite mort’ as they say in France! A lot of things can affect your ability to reach an orgasm: Maybe you have a hard time letting go and giving in to the moment. Fatigue, stress and alcohol can also have an effect. Sometimes you just need to explore your body even more to learn what makes you reach an orgasm.

But don’t worry! We’ve got your back!

In this article we’ll guide you on how you can start exploring your body and eventually experience an orgasm. First and foremost we encourage you to have a think about what might be holding you back. Maybe one of the following reasons resonate with you?


  • • You have a hard time letting go
  • You don't know your body well enough and don't know how to stimulate it
  • You're tired or stressed out
  • You suffer from performance anxiety
  • You're in an unhealthy relationship
  • You feel bored when you have sex with your partner
  • You feel ashamed about having sex
  • You're influenced by alcohol, drugs or medicine


An orgasm is a series of fast contractions in your abdomen. They feel good, intense, relieving and uncontrollable. Afterwards you’ll feel relaxed and comfortable. An orgasm is your bodies natural response to stimulation and it usually only lasts a few seconds.

During an orgasm you blood vessels expand, your genitals swell and your pulse and blood pressure rise. All the while your brain release pleasure hormones. People with female genitalia can experience multiple orgasms in a row, which is a little harder for people with penises.


There’s no one-way to describe what an orgasm feels like. Orgasms can vary in intensity and duration. Some people describe it as a tickling sensation, some as warm and gentle or powerful and uncontrollable. A lot of people compare it to the feeling that follows a sneeze. But one thing’s for sure – an orgasm feels good and relaxing.  


Do you often find yourself chasing your orgasm? The “chase” might actually be the reason why you’re not reaching the climax everybody is talking about – or that you’ve seen in movies. And on that note – we’d like to make it clear that an orgasm doesn’t have to play out as they do in porn movies.  

An orgasm doesn’t necessarily mean fireworks and heavy moaning. An orgasm can just as well be a gentle tickling or a warm feeling of pleasure.  

Try to masturbate and have sex focusing on what feels good to and try different things as you go along – eventually the orgasm will follow. At the end of this guide we give you a few specific tips on how to increase your chance of having an orgasm!


An orgasm typically only lasts a few seconds, but you can increase the duration and intensity by doing a few exercises!

When you orgasm as a female, the pelvic muscles in your abdomen contract. A strong pelvic floor provides more enjoyable intercourse and intensified orgasms. So don’t forget to do your squeeezing exercises every day! Or try out one of our kegel eggs! .

Another good tip, if you want your orgasms to last longer, is to try and hold back when you masturbate. When you feel the orgasm cumming, try to hold yourself back – stop touching yourself and try to relax your muscles. The more you procrastinate the orgasm the more tension will build up. And with a bit of luck your orgasm will feel even more intense when you finally let go and let the wave of pleasure rush over you.


1. Get to know yourself

Step one is to get to know yourself and your body. Try different things out. Instead of focusing on reaching orgasm, focus on your pleasure. Without stressing. 


2. Use a vibrator

A vibrator can be a great way to get to know your body. A vibrator can stimulate you more intensely than a finger. Use your vibrator to stimulate your clitoris but also try moving it across your labia and wherever else it feels good to you! There are so many amazing vibrators out there. Ones that come in pretty pastel colours and fist elegantly in the palm of your hand. At Klub Venus ship your order in pretty and discreet packaging! pastelfarver. 


Blå bullet vibrator til klitoris     Bronzefarvet vakuum vibrator
pTry the ecofriendly Gaia Eco bullet vibrator or the awardwinning Satisfyer pro 2 next generation

3. Buy yourself a lube

Try using a lube for an even more smooth experience. If you have difficulty getting wet enough using a lube can be great way to experience even more pleasure! You can use your lube both alone during masturbation and during partnered sex.  

Vandbaseret glide creme fra sensuva
Try our waterbased lube from Sensuva 

4. Use your showerhead

Give your showerhead a go the next you’re in the shower! Use it to stimulate your clitoris and change the water pressure until it feels good to you!  


5. Tense your body

Sex of course shouldn’t feel tense - it should feel good! But maybe you’re actually relaxing too much? Some women experience that it’s easier for them to orgasm when they tense their pelvic muscles.


6. Do squeezing exercises

Don’t forget to do your squeezing exercises! Healthy and strong pelvic muscles will help you reach even more intense orgasms. Try squeezing your pelvic muscles during sex. It can enhance the pleasure of the person your having sex with and perhaps make you orgasm too! Not half bad.


7. Turn your head upside down

Some women receive stronger orgasms with a lowered head. It might sound complicated, but it actually doesn’t have to be! Next time you masturbate or have sex with your partner try placing your head off the edge of the bed. Making the blood flow to the head can make your orgasm feel even more intense


8. Choose the right time

The testosterone-levels in your body are higher in the first couple of days on your cycle, which can have an impact on how sensitive your clitoris and your breasts feel and thereby also how easily you reach an orgasm. If it’s true or not we can’t guarantee, but giving it a go never hurt nobody!


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ALSO READ: GUIDE: the best pornsites we known


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