There is no one who can tell you if you are pansexual, nor is there a test you can take. If personality is more important than gender when you fall in love with another person, you may be pansexual. Perhaps. Only you can define your sexuality.
What does it mean to be pansexual?
Being pansexual means that gender, gender identity and sexual orientation are secondary when you are attracted to another person. In other words: It's the person behind it that you fall for, regardless of whether the person is female, male, non-binary, or any other gender identity or sexuality.
The word 'pan' means 'all' in Greek, and if you are pansexual, you can - in theory - be sexually attracted to everyone. Of course, this does not mean that you want to have sex with everyone and everyone you meet on your way - that is a misunderstanding you may encounter with others. If you are pansexual, you have preferences and things you turn on or are attracted to in a partner just like everyone else.
Is pansexual the same as being panromantic?
Not necessarily:
- Being pansexual means that you can be sexually attracted to people regardless of their gender or sexuality.
- Being panromantic means that you can be romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender and sexuality.
You can be panromantic and pansexual at the same time - for some, their sexual orientation is linked to their romantic orientation. But you can also be e.g. panromantic and homosexual. This means that you can be romantically attracted to and in love with all genders and sexualities, but that you are only sexually attracted to your own gender.
What is the difference between being pansexual and being bisexual?
It is slightly different how you define bisexuality compared to pansexuality. According to LGBT+ Denmark, the term 'bisexual' can be seen as an umbrella term for several different ways of defining one's sexuality. According to LGBT+ Denmark, 'pan' belongs to bisexuality.
If you feel confused about the concepts and what you should identify yourself with, it is perhaps less important to find out what 'label' others think you should put on your sexuality - what is important is that you find an identity , you yourself feel at home in.
Signs of pansexuality
There isn't a list of characters you can tick off one by one. Is the gender and sexuality of those you fall in love with unimportant to you? Do you feel attracted to several different genders? Then you might be pansexual. As I said: There is no definitive list. And only you decide how you want to define your sexuality.
One thing you can do to become wiser is to seek knowledge, hear other people's stories, experiment and explore your sexuality - you can do this both alone and with others. Notice what feelings you have, who you are attracted to, who you fall in love with. And remember that you don't need to find a 'label' to put on your sexuality until you are ready yourself.
Some feel that there may be pressure from the outside world in relation to declaring clearly whether you are a different gender, your own gender, multiple genders - but remember that no one has the right to demand an answer from you and that it is absolutely necessary that you define your sexuality at your own pace.
We asked our community to share some of their own experiences with being pansexual. You can read them below. Read more about sexuality: Am I asexual?
Experiences of 5 pansexual people
“My feelings about it have always been very free”
I have never "discovered" that I am pansexual as such, but I have always had the approach that "hey, I'm with whoever I'm with, regardless of what gender that means. I just want to make myself happy”.
I then talked to my friend about it in maybe 7th grade, and when she asked me if I wasn't actually pansexual, I found out that it actually suited me well. Like I said: I've never thought about it, so my feelings about it have always been very free, and I've never felt ashamed about it. I haven't "jumped out" to the people around me either, but they've kind of figured it out as I've dated girls.
As far as possible, I try to have a very open-minded circle of friends, and therefore I have not experienced anything homophobic about my sexuality either. The same applies to my (very conservative) family - because when I have been so relaxed and open about it, and have been able to help them understand, they have realized that it is just me and that I am self-aware enough to to live and be happy in it. ❤️
- Sofie, female, 17 years old
"I knew deep down that I wasn't a lesbian"
Even recently "discovered" or realized that I am pan. Ever since I was a child I have always had difficulty trusting other people. Even my family. Part of the reason is that I grew up in a cult where the mentality is very much "trust no one, trust only God!". It was very much about not having any contact with the outside world. So besides going and not daring to trust anyone, I also didn't know much about sexuality. I only knew that straight was right and gay was wrong. So for that reason I have never had a relationship or been in love either.
I left the cult 2 years ago. Since then I have been trying to get to know new people and find real friends. It's still not easy and especially not romantic. After leaving the cult I have also researched more about sexuality. Since I hadn't had any relationships, a lot of people started to insinuate that I was a lesbian or something like that. I knew deep down that I wasn't. But I eventually became doubtful because people pressed me for an answer.
I googled and googled and when I finally discovered what pansexuality is, everything just fell into place. It just fit and it just gave me so much peace of mind. I have subsequently settled into who I am, and that has made me incredibly happy. I am no longer stressed about having to find a boyfriend. It comes when it comes.
Still haven't shared it with anyone. 💜
- Sienna, female, 19 years old
“Ad, so you turn on animals?”
I discovered that I wasn't straight in 3rd grade, but didn't put it into words until much later. The first time I heard the word pansexual and was explained what it meant, I just knew that was who I was. I was in a heterosexual relationship but still found a lot of peace in being able to say that this was what I defined myself as.
My family just found out I'm bisexual. Most people in my family are very narrow-minded and only believe in two genders, so it would be impossible to be met with understanding there. One of my friends said “oh so you turn on animals?” when I told them I'm pansexual. That, I think, is a pretty good example of how little some people know about pansexuality. Besides that, it has been received very positively, and the vast majority react openly and positively!
- Mulle, woman, 24 years old
"A bisexual dates either men or women - and I dated neither"
Pan is probably the sexuality I can best associate my own sexuality with. I guess I've always known it - I just didn't know there was a word for it. When in primary school we started 'kissing each other goodbye' among the girls, I thought it was a bit more exciting, but at the same time the boys were cute too. So I thought I was probably bisexual.
When I tell my mother in the summer between secondary school and 1st grade that I have a summer holiday flirt called Maja, there is no violent reaction, but it is probably connected to the fact that my uncle was gay (he died of AIDS), so "the road was paved".
The years go by and I alternate between girl and boy boyfriends, but when I'm 25-ish I start using Instagram and I make a friend who identifies as “non-binary”. They have a roomie who is also non-binary, who I start kissing a little bit, and I think that's where the tenor falls. Because a bisexual dates either men or women - and I dated neither.
There were no big feelings about it, but I just think I found my shelf in the sexuality drawer. It actually also became easier when I told them that I didn't date anyone of a certain gender, but that it was largely their person and mannerisms that attracted me.
As a school teacher, I am often asked if my boyfriend is a boy or a girl, to which I always reply: who says it's a boy? Or; who says it's a girl? And here there are actually some good conversations and talks about gender and who you are attracted to.
In my relationship now with a trans person, there are often not so many questions when you have just explained what pansexual is and why it doesn't matter what they have between their legs.
- Rikke, woman, 32 years old
