The guide was written with the help of Jonas Pejstrup.
How do you have sex with someone else with a penis?
We feel like writing that you should just do what feels good, because that's really what should apply to everyone; also for you and your penis. But now that you're here, we still want to give you tips and tricks on how sex between two (or more) penis owners can look like. Use it as inspiration, follow the instructions or just do whatever you want <33
But first a lesson to be learned . The narrative of what gay sex (can) look like is unfortunately still extremely unvarnished, and simplistic to such an extent that one would think that we all really lack imagination and imagination.
There is something wrong with the representation, there is nothing wrong with you.
It's completely understandable if you can't recognize yourself and your own desire in the way they have sex in the movies. Just as it is (unfortunately) completely normal that you have not been able to see yourself in the sex education you have received.
The lack of representation. Stigmatization of queer sex lives and grows in heteronormative societal norms, in inadequate sex education and in a lack of knowledge about LGBTQ+ (sex) life. And it has consequences for the people who have and want to have sex, in different ways than the one most of us are presented with.
Some people think "queer sex" is one type of sex, but it doesn't fit. Heterosexuals don't have a patent on either missionary, cowgirl, spoon sex, or other classics. And yes, queer couples can have at least as pleasurable, varied, intimate, romantic and kinky sex that anyone (who wants sex) can.
Do yourself and those around you a favor - Be curious about what you don't know much about yet <3
Top, bottom or verses?
You may have already come across the three definitions of sexual preferences or 'roles' during sex. They are used by several in queer communities to clarify who wants what during sex. Although nobody's sexuality can be reduced to a single definition, it can be a help in meeting new sex partners.
*It is important to remember that each role or term can have different meanings to different people and that it is up to each individual to choose the terms that best suit them. This applies regardless of whether we are talking about gender, love constellations or sexual preferences.
No definition is perfect.*
What does it mean to be top? "Top" refers to a person who takes the dominant and/or penetrative role during sex. Ifbm. anal sex, you may have heard top as 'giving' or 'the active' before.
What does it mean to be bottom? "Bottom" refers to a person who takes the receptive and/or submissive role during sex. Often the bottom will be the one that gets penetrated.
What does it mean to be verse? "Verse" or "versatile" refers to a person who enjoys being both the dominant/penetrative and the receptive/submissive partner during sex. Verses can switch between being top or bottom, depending on the situation and on their partner.
A new definition. Page? "Sides" are queer, penis owners who enjoy sex, but for various reasons don't enjoy anal sex. They may enjoy masturbating together, doing oral sex, and various non-penetrative kinks, but topping and bottoming aren't on the list.
Masturbating together
What's better than masturbating at the sight of someone you turn on? And even better, someone who is already in bed with you? Masturbating together can be extremely arousing, and can be done in several ways. Touch yourself, each other. Alternately or together.
You can experiment with looking into each other's eyes at the same time, kissing, lying close or looking at each other from opposite ends of the room.
Masturbating together can give you new, useful insights about your sexual partner's preferences. Cheating on your sex partner; how do they touch themselves? Maybe you can use some of their tricks on them another good time and really send them into shock.
Masturbation is also sex . And by the way, it's a brilliant solution if you don't have contraception in place. Make a change of plans while you are most horny and drop sex with penetration in favor of masturbation <3
Oral sex
Oral sex is the sex you have with your mouth and tongue, around your genitals or anus. Oral sex can look and be done in many different ways. And it can be done alone, or in combination with fingers and vibrations.
Maybe you have already tried receiving oral sex? Or maybe you're thinking about suggesting rimming to your partner? Whether you've tried oral sex before or you're new to the game, one thing is for sure; Oral sex can feel incredibly good if you guide each other, try each other out, and practice together <3
No one has ever known how to make oral sex perfect the first time - what feels good to them is different from person to person.
Blowjobs
A blowjob is when you suck, lick, suck, kiss or spit on your sex partner's penis.
Yes, in fact, it's anything you can think of to do with your mouth that your partner finds pleasurable. When we talk about blowjobs, there can be a big difference from person to person, and cock to cock.
Some like fast and tight movements, while others like it better soft and slow. For some, certain movements or angles can be painful or feel 'tight' in a not-good way. Therefore, it is important to establish a space where the person receiving oral sex can say yes and no, and guide the person giving - this makes the experience better for all parties.
When you have oral sex, there is plenty of opportunity to really surrender control, and let one 'do the work' while the other lovingly accepts <3 If you feel like it, you can experiment with eye contact, or with blindfolds the eyes, with kisses and sweets all over the body or with locked hands tied together in a scarf, or with handcuffs.
If you want more in-depth guidance on how to give a blowjob, please read Guide to oral sex: The 23 best tricks for a good blowjob
Rim jobs
A rim job is oral sex where you or your sex partner gets your ass licked <3 To give or receive a rim job, you only need three things: Your tongue, your partner's butt and plenty of lubrication in the form of either saliva or lubricant.
If you have to give a rhyming job, you can draw different patterns with the tongue, and make it both soft and hard. If you need a concrete beginner's guide, you will get instructions for your first rimming job, plus guidance for hygiene and protection here: Rimming: 8 tips for a good rimming job .
It can be nerve-wracking to try sex where the anus is involved for the first time, but for many it is nice, enjoyable and something they want to do again. Try it out and see what makes you or your partner moan in pleasure. Rimming requires, like all other good sex, communication and practice <3
A position for oral sex
The 69 is a wonderful position if you both want to receive oral sex at the same time. Lie next to each other with your head between each other's legs. In this way, it is possible to have oral sex around/on the penis and nipples. Or try having one of you put your knees on either side of the other's face. In this way, it is possible for the person lying down to give oral sex around the anus and perineum. While the kneeling person can lean over the other's body and touch, lick or suck the other's cock.
Thoughts on anal sex?
Your anus, a gateway to pleasure. If you have a penis, you have a real pleasure point in the anus; namely the p-point. The P-spot, short for the prostate spot, is a gland about the size of a walnut that sits approximately 5 centimeters up the anus, facing the stomach.
The P-spot is sensitive to touch and has extremely many nerve endings, just like the glans and the clitoris. Therefore, stimulation of the p-spot is really something that can make you max out on pleasure, give you stronger orgasms and make it all more intense. Yes, in fact, so much so that some experience having a prostate orgasm.
Before anal sex. When you are going to have anal sex, there are some things that are good to know beforehand.
Have lube handy. Even if you want a quickie, right here right now , you might want to reconsider if you don't have any lube with you.
Some of you may have also skimmed over the scene from Brokeback Mountain where Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger bang the tent. And not to kill it for you, but for Heath to spit on his hand, then go straight to penetration sex, is going a little rough.
You do not naturally get wet in the anus, and therefore it can be a painful experience if there is no lubricant. Anal sex just becomes a much more delicious experience for everyone when the lubrication is under control - it can't get too much.
But hey - that doesn't stop you from rhyming, having oral sex or masturbating with each other without lube <3
Anal sex can mean an encounter with feces. You may feel insecure if you are afraid that you are not clean, that there is a smell, or that your partner, the toys, or the bedding will be pooped on. But unless you feel like you need to go to the bathroom, your rectum is probably empty. So a good piece of advice is that if you feel you need to pass a stool, wait - and otherwise you are good to go. You can wash around the anus and just inside the rectal opening before. You can do that with a shower or just by taking a shower.
Although hygiene is important when you have (anal) sex, it should first and foremost be about your pleasure. Not about how to stay clean.
If this is the first time you are going to have anal sex, read our Guide to anal sex . It says everything you need to know.
Let's get to the methods. Positions you can try if you have to have anal sex.
Positions for anal sex
A pillow under the butt
Revive the classic missionary position by pushing a pillow under the butt. It tilts your hips and your bottom at an angle that gives your partner with a penis better access to your anus. And to your p-point (!). Meanwhile, you have plenty of opportunity to kiss and look each other in the eye.
Body in spoon
Place yourself in a spoon with the recipient in front. Now the donor can penetrate from behind. As a giver, you can take a firm grip with your hands on your partner's hips. In this position, you have the opportunity for close contact. Kiss your partner on the neck, gently bite their ear or touch your partner's penis in the meantime.
In the spoon, it is easier to avoid thrusting too deeply and hard , and it can be a really good beginner's position.
A Promised Missionary
In the lifted missionary lies the giver on top of the receiver. Here the recipient can rest their legs on the giver's shoulders, or put their knees on their chest. The position ensures that there is easy access to the anus, and does not require the recipient to buckle up.
Due to the free access, in this position there is an opportunity to thrust deeply. Therefore, it may be an idea for the receiver to keep his hands on the giver's hips, so that they can help control the depth and strength.
A classic doggy
The recipient gets down on all fours while the giver lies on their knees and penetrates them from behind<3 In doggy, the giver controls the pace and depth of the thrusts, and that control can be quite arousing in itself. If you are the recipient, you can touch yourself while - e.g. with a vibrator.
What many don't actually know about the otherwise very stereotypical anal sex doggy is that it is one of the 'harder' positions. Here, has gives free passage to both penetrate deep and hard. The giver can hold onto the recipient's hips, and give a pat on the bum if you think it's rude. As the recipient, it is a good idea to communicate with your partner in the meantime, so they know if it feels nice, as there is no possibility to read each other's facial expressions <3
A small variation of doggystyle .
Instead of lying on all fours, the recipient rests their arms and upper body against the mattress and lies with their bottom in the air. When you have anal sex, this variation can be an advantage because there is better space to penetrate the anus.
And by the way, there are lots of ways to do doggy. Doggy can be done standing up against a table or in the bath. And if you miss eye contact, you can have sex in doggy, in front of a mirror <3
Receiving knight gives
It can be nice for the recipient to sit 'on top' and take control. Here, it is possible to control the rhythm and depth yourself, while you can have eye contact, kiss and observe each other's bodies along the way.
It is important to remember that you can always make variations of the different positions so that they feel best for you. Neither way is wrong.
The keyword is to try your hand, and if it is new for you to receive, it is extremely important that you feel relaxed in your body <3 Anal sex is best when you are relaxed in both body and mind.
It may also be an idea to adapt the positions according to the donor's penis shape. For example, if the donor's penis curves upwards, the missionary position might stimulate the prostate better, while doggys might be better if it curves downwards.
Use sex toys
As a penis owner, you can enjoy both vibrators and buttplugs. Also when you have sex with a partner. Yes, in fact, you can use a vibrator in (almost) every imaginable position. Both while lying down, sitting up, having sex in doggy style or lying on your side. And just where on the body you want.
If you e.g. is in missionary, you can use the trick with the pillow, and in that way make room for the receiver to use the vibrator on his cock while they are being penetrated. Twofold pleasure!
A vibrator can be used in many different places on the penis. You can experiment with using it all over the penis, at the root of the shaft, on the shaft itself, on the head of the penis and even on the testicles to experience different types of stimulation. You can also try using it on the perineum, which is the area between the penis and the anus, or around the anus for anal stimulation or prostate stimulation. The possibilities are almost endless and only your imagination limits where you can use a vibrator to achieve pleasure and explore your pleasure points.
You can also have sex while one of you has a buttplug sitting in your butt, or for that matter both have a plug in. Unlike a dildo, a buttplug does not have to be pulled in and out or back and forth. It really just needs to stay put while you have sex, and then you take it out afterwards.
Maybe you've heard that a butt plug should be used to prepare for "real" anal sex. This is a huge misunderstanding. A butt plug is a sex toy in itself. A butt plug gives you a wonderful feeling of being filled. The anus is one of the sensitive erogenous zones on your body, where touch feels delightfully titillating. <3
