The first time it can be awkward and maybe a bit borderline to get started with phone sex. Especially if you rarely put into words what you like and what you would like the other person to do to you. In fact, phone sex can be a good way to put more words into what you both want and what you like.
There are many ways to have phone sex and not one is more right than others: you can tell each other what you want to do to each other. You can masturbate in the meantime. You can watch porn - the same movie, but at each end of the phone. You can read erotic short stories to each other.
Only the (sex) fantasies set limits.
If you have a dream about hot phone sex with your girlfriend or sex partner, but you don't quite know how to approach it or how the conversation should play out, we have made a guide with inspiration.
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Where should I start?
Start openly and see where the conversation leads. It may be that you ask: "do you know what I want right now... I wish you were right here". And when your partner then replies that they would also like you to be together, you can follow up by asking "what would you do to me?". Or "do you want to know what I would do to you?". And now you can only hope that your partner catches the ball and joins the game.
First of all, remember to ask for consent. Even when it's phone sex. And are you now thinking: Well, should I start the conversation by asking: "Hey, do you want to have sex over the phone?".
No. Once you have started the conversation, you can e.g. ask: "Is it ok for me to tell you what I want to do to you?". That way you get to ask your sex partner if they also want phone sex.
Other things you can start the conversation with:
"Right now I'm wearing *insert clothes of your choice* and I'm sitting thinking about you..." - after which you ask if it will be ok for your partner if you take some of the clothes off.
“Can I tell you what I dreamed about you the other day…?” - after which you begin to tell about a wet dream you had. And if you haven't had one like that, then go ahead. It's just a game.
"You know what I'd like you to do the next time we see each other…?" - after which you tell in detail what you would like your partner to do to you.
"Do you remember when we…?" - after which you retell one of your shared memories from a time when you had really good sex.
“Can I read you a story…?” - after which you read aloud an erotic short story from the internet. Or maybe even one you've written yourself.
When you have started talking
Then you're good to go! How the rest of the conversation goes depends a lot on how comfortable each of you is with the play. Maybe you both share the wettest fantasies - and maybe you are both reserved and shy and just want to feel yourself out.
One tactic if you want to have phone sex with your boyfriend or another sex partner and want to avoid awkward silence on both ends of the phone can be to prepare a little. Have some good sentences ready. How do you imagine the conversation going? And what could you imagine saying?
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Good to have in the back hand
You can have some sex fantasies in stock and describe in detail what you dream about. You can dust off a few memories - e.g. from a holiday where you had hot sex - and say that you often think about the time your partner did such and such to you. Or you can have a sex novel ready on your computer (or in a book) so that you don't have to Google exciting readings in the middle of the conversation.
You can also have as a strategy that you want to focus either on your partner's or your own body:
You can tell your partner what you want to do: "First I zip your pants down and ask you to lie down on the bed. Are you lying down now?”... “Then I'll kiss your neck while you get chills from pure pleasure”.
Or you can tell what you do to yourself: "I have taken off my panties and am completely naked from the navel down, even though the neighbors can still see me through the window while I find my vibrator from the drawer...".
If your sex partner doesn't say much
Then it's perfectly fine that you're the only one talking. But remember that there are two of you about it, so it can be a good idea to keep your part of the conversation to short descriptions and often shoot the ball back by asking your partner and involving them: "What does it do to you?", "what do you want to do to me?", "are you hard?" or "how wet are you right now?".
Check in with your partner and make sure it's a game of ping-pong you're both comfortable with.
You can also give them instructions on where you want them to touch themselves. The telephone game can, for example, assume that you must remote control each other for self-gratification.
Put pictures on
To turn your partner on even more, you can put images in their head by describing feelings, sensations and reactions. Such as:
"Right now I'm so wet it's running down my thigh".
"I gently pinch your nipple with my incisors so that you get chills and shiver all over".
"I'm so hard that you'll have to moan heavily when I come inside you".
You can't see each other, and precisely that allows you to create the wildest fantasies together. When we have physical sex, some are turned on by touch, while others need to also use their heads and fantasize in the meantime. And therefore it can be quite effective with detailed picture descriptions when you have phone sex.
Turn on the sound
If you tend to moan loudly, gasp, sigh or make ooh and ah sounds, then finally continue when you have sex through the phone. And if you don't usually turn on the sound, try doing it now. This is the only way your flirt will know that you are enjoying your sex play.
A hearty moan or a deep mmm can also be a good trigger if you don't quite know what to say. It can be very erotic to communicate with sounds. So give it a gas.
READ ALSO: Consent: 8 good ways to ask
Can you fake it when you have phone sex?
When it comes to orgasms, it's never a good idea to fake it. First of all, you're sending the wrong signal to your partner, who will never know what you like, if you pretend you're just coming to get the sex over with or to please them.
But because phone sex is partly made up of fantasies, it might be perfectly fine to write a little poetry and turn up the sounds of pleasure.
And if you are actually wearing a sweat-smelling t-shirt in bedclothes that need to be changed, then it is also ok to leave out that part of the story. It doesn't hurt that you turn up some slightly more erotic details.
