*Ding*, what was that ticking in there? The phone has vibrated irritatingly in your pocket, and now you can't wait to get through the queue in Netto, so you can read what your flirt is now trying to light up under you with. Or... it could also just be a text message from your grandmother.
We're crossing our fingers that it's the first of the two scenarios you're in, and here's a guide to everything you need to know about the discipline of 'sexting'.
What is sexting?
It's quite simple: the word 'sexting' is a combination of the two English words 'sex' and 'text'. 'Sexting' is another word for the Danish and perhaps not so sexy 'sex message' or 'naughty SMS'.
Sexting is when you send messages with sexual content to each other. It can both be to keep going in a long-distance relationship. It could be to warm up your partner so they know what to look forward to when they get home from work. Or it can be part of your own self-exploration: What turns you on? What feels cheeky and delicious? What do you fantasize about? It can also be a game you have with a flirtation that you don't yet know if it will turn into more.
What do you write in a naughty message?
With that established, the next questions arise: How do you do it? What are the do's and don'ts? What do you write? Here we serve you inspiration for what you can write in a cheeky text message:
1. Warm up your partner slowly - it can be overwhelming to start out with a text message that straight-forwardly and soberly describes what you imagine you will do to each other the next time you see each other. Remember that sexting is a form of flirting. So start trying something teasing. Something that gives you a sense of whether your texting partner is even in the mood for messenger sex right now. Something ambiguous that can be read in several ways. Or something that tickles your partner a little bit.
2. Use GIFs - pictures are worth a thousand words. And then a GIF can also help to add a little humor to the game. It can be a GIF of anything that evokes associations in your texting friend. It doesn't just have to be racy GIFs with bare skin. It can also be of a banana, a waterfall, fire...whatever evokes feelings and imaginations.
3. Emojis - no text messages without emojis! The classics are of course the aubergine and the peach, which describe ... you know what. Emojis can be fun, they're quick to send, and they can also make correspondence a little more secretive.
4. Play 'would you rather' - to start the chat you can play 'would you rather...' or in Danish: What would you rather? Ask your sex pen pal, and they'd rather be without rimming or blowjobs for the rest of their lives. Whether they would prefer missionary position or doggystyle if they had to choose only one sex position forever. Whether they would rather have a clitoral vibrator or a dildo with them on a desert island. And then ask them why. It's a brilliant way to learn about each other while you get fired up at each end of the message exchange.
5. Tell what you're doing to yourself - if you need something to write in your naughty text messages, tell your partner what you're doing to yourself right now. "I just found my teen vibrator from the drawer...", or "I got to read the messages you sent me yesterday, and now I'm all wet..."
6. Tell your partner what you want to do - the next time you see each other. It can be "when you get home, I'm looking forward to ..." or "I'm waiting for you with no clothes on under the covers and I'm warming up with my vibrator, so ...".
7. Share your fantasies - a good way for your partner to learn what you like is to share what you fantasize about. It can be both fantasies about the two of you together and fantasies about you together with a doctor/nurse/plumber/you name it...whatever turns you on to think about.
Sexting and precautions
As with all other types of sex, there are some good ground rules for sexting. It is both about taking care of yourself and taking care of your partner. When you send spicy pictures of yourself, you must always be aware of yourself and your own limits. You always have to say no if someone asks for nudes, and it's entirely up to you how frisky you want to be on the content you send. It's the recipient's responsibility to take care of you and the things you've sent, but if you want to take extra precautions, that's totally cool too.
It is never your responsibility if someone misuses the messages you have sent to someone you write with. If someone shares pictures of you, forwards the text messages or posts them on social media: It's never your fault. Unfortunately, not everyone can figure out how to behave properly. And so the only way you can protect yourself from having your messages misused is to take your precautions. In the same way, you have a responsibility to take good care of the messages you receive from others.
Therefore: Consider what you send to others and to whom you send it. Do not share what you yourself receive with friends or on social media. And don't hesitate to talk to a confidant; a friend, a teacher, a parent or the police if you find that others are sharing your messages with unauthorized persons.
Other good advice:
Always make sure to get consent - even when it's 'just' text sex. Never send lewd messages or pictures of naked body parts to anyone you are not in a sexual relationship with. And make sure to clarify with the person if they are into your sexting flirtation before you start texting them. If you are in doubt, read our guide on how to ask for consent .
You don't have to be naked to send naughty pictures - if you don't want to throw away your clothes, a picture can easily be exciting and titillating without you actually being naked. A photo of your abs or a picture of a shadow of your dick or breast can be enough to turn your partner on.
Know your own limits - do you want others to see the text/image you are about to press send on? And do you even want to receive sexual messages from those you write with?
Respect other people's boundaries - does your chosen texting partner not give you consent? Are they not responding? Do they express that they do not want to write with you? So respect that.
