With the toys we get started, and then the desire comes.
After being together for many years, my wife and I do not have worse sex together. In fact, our sex has improved over time as we have grown out of many personal hang-ups about our own bodies and expectations of sex.
Sex is still very important in our relationship. There is something fundamentally physically affirming about surrendering to each other's bodies that has an at least equally important psychological effect that affirms our relationship.
We try new things and try new toys. Our biggest challenge is finding the time, energy and desire to have sex. With full-time jobs and young children, those three things are basically the rarest and most precious resources in our lives, and there are no easy solutions.
Sex toys are not a solution that conjures up time or energy, but toys can act as a shortcut to desire. Basically, we don't have the opportunity to foster romance or intimacy, but an agreement to try a new vibrator together can get us into bed and into caressing and kissing.
The challenge in bed together is not to be too busy. We know each other and our own bodies well, and the temptation to aim single-mindedly for a joint orgasm can be great. There is nothing wrong with a quickie, but there must also be the opportunity for more play and greater enjoyment now and then, so that sex does not become a routine.
Toys are a big help here. We learn new ways to touch and stimulate, and conversation is now a necessity simply to find out how a vibrating penis ring comes most comfortably over the glans and how it best turns to stimulate the clitoris in different positions. Shall we try to see if we can put it on a looser cock next time?
A small palm vibrator is a great way to stimulate both of us during foreplay or oral sex or in different positions depending on who has their hands free and can reach what. When my partner sits on top of me, she can reach both herself and my balls under her ass. Both fingers and vibrations are very titillating as extra stimulation.
Butt stuff toys require more conversation, as neither my partner nor I have much experience with anal penetration. I like my partner to play with my ass and I wanted to try toys that could stimulate my prostate and penetrate me.
I still remember the feeling from the first time of disappearing out of myself, as if there was only me and the overwhelming sensation inside me and in my cock. My partner's touches came as if from another place, as if she was controlling my body. All the sensations reinforced each other and I couldn't think about anything else.
Both the sensation of the penetration, vibration against the prostate, and letting my partner control my pleasure do amazing things for me, but it is absolutely necessary to have an ongoing conversation about lube, depth, and speed. The sound of my partner's voice asking if I like what she's doing also turns me on, and her voice sounds like she likes the control and my surrender.
My partner and I do not have good routines or good advice for either ourselves or others on how to create intimate spaces and support each other's sexuality and desire in an everyday life with work, duties, children and stress. Often we can only feel like lying on the sofa in front of the television for an hour before we have to sleep.
Spontaneity no longer exists. Our only good experience is trying to agree that we should have sex, and here the toys are a help. When we feel how it feels to use a toy, then we are in the process, and what is missing from the desire from the beginning will come now.
After being together for many years, my wife and I do not have worse sex together. In fact, our sex has improved over time as we have grown out of many personal hang-ups about our own bodies and expectations of sex.
Sex is still very important in our relationship. There is something fundamentally physically affirming about surrendering to each other's bodies that has an at least equally important psychological effect that affirms our relationship.
We try new things and try new toys. Our biggest challenge is finding the time, energy and desire to have sex. With full-time jobs and young children, those three things are basically the rarest and most precious resources in our lives, and there are no easy solutions.
Sex toys are not a solution that conjures up time or energy, but toys can act as a shortcut to desire. Basically, we don't have the opportunity to foster romance or intimacy, but an agreement to try a new vibrator together can get us into bed and into caressing and kissing.
The challenge in bed together is not to be too busy. We know each other and our own bodies well, and the temptation to aim single-mindedly for a joint orgasm can be great. There is nothing wrong with a quickie, but there must also be the opportunity for more play and greater enjoyment now and then, so that sex does not become a routine.
Toys are a big help here. We learn new ways to touch and stimulate, and conversation is now a necessity simply to find out how a vibrating penis ring comes most comfortably over the glans and how it best turns to stimulate the clitoris in different positions. Shall we try to see if we can put it on a looser cock next time?
A small palm vibrator is a great way to stimulate both of us during foreplay or oral sex or in different positions depending on who has their hands free and can reach what. When my partner sits on top of me, she can reach both herself and my balls under her ass. Both fingers and vibrations are very titillating as extra stimulation.
Butt stuff toys require more conversation, as neither my partner nor I have much experience with anal penetration. I like my partner to play with my ass and I wanted to try toys that could stimulate my prostate and penetrate me.
I still remember the feeling from the first time of disappearing out of myself, as if there was only me and the overwhelming sensation inside me and in my cock. My partner's touches came as if from another place, as if she was controlling my body. All the sensations reinforced each other and I couldn't think about anything else.
Both the sensation of the penetration, vibration against the prostate, and letting my partner control my pleasure do amazing things for me, but it is absolutely necessary to have an ongoing conversation about lube, depth, and speed. The sound of my partner's voice asking if I like what she's doing also turns me on, and her voice sounds like she likes the control and my surrender.
My partner and I do not have good routines or good advice for either ourselves or others on how to create intimate spaces and support each other's sexuality and desire in an everyday life with work, duties, children and stress. Often we can only feel like lying on the sofa in front of the television for an hour before we have to sleep.
Spontaneity no longer exists. Our only good experience is trying to agree that we should have sex, and here the toys are a help. When we feel how it feels to use a toy, then we are in the process, and what is missing from the desire from the beginning will come now.
