Q: Have there been any norms or ideas about how sex should be that you have had to break down in your relationship?
Vanessa: I had the honor of having to introduce kink to Alex, which was completely new to him. And I am happy that he is curious to learn.
We have also been very open and honest about our past sex life and told the good and bad from those experiences. The insecurity and jealousy that can arise because we are only human and those feelings are not dangerous as long as you can talk about it without shame from either side.
Alex: I think it also came very naturally to us to be able to experiment as we don't really have any ideas about what sex should be other than fun and passionate.
Q: Has using sex toys together made any difference to your intimacy?
Vanessa: I feel that it has helped to strengthen our intimacy and sensuality when we have sex with each other and no toys are involved. Sometimes you can forget that when you are absorbed in each other. But 8/10 times the trusty wand is put to good use.
Alex: Totally agree.
Q: How have you "started" talking about pleasure in your relationship? Who took the first step in the conversation?
Vanessa: Alex and I were friends before we became lovers and have talked about sex, but talking about it in a "boyfriend context" is different hehe. I remember being shy but was really eager to show him everything in my pleasure box after our first date.
Alex: We've both been pretty good at asking about each other's turn ons and turn offs from the start and it's only gotten easier the more we've talked about it.
Q: What are your top tips for other couples who want to start the conversation about pleasure in their relationship?
Vanessa: It's okay to be shy and it's okay to admit it<3 When we first got together, we stayed in each other's arms after sex and talked about what we liked and what we didn't like.
It might be a little uncomfortable to get constructive criticism from your partner, but it gets better after a while, and so does the sex <3 right now we don't have that many conversations, sometimes they pop up completely randomly.
Alex: Listen to your partner, listen to yourself, pay attention to your partner's body language, check on each other along the way, try something new and have a conversation about how it was afterwards.
Q: Are there any aspects of pleasure that you are not on the same wavelength about, how have you handled it and put boundaries in it?
Alex: I think we're lucky that one of the things that turns us on the most is turning each other on. So if one of us wants to try something new, we see it as an opportunity to have even better sex.
