Sexologist Sara Andersen answers your questions about sex and love in Klub Venus' Sex letterbox.
Why do I have vaginal pain after sex? And what can I do to avoid it?
I've been trying to find something. For example, I have found a blog post which describes very well what causes it when it comes to dryness etc. But my question is also about the fact that it can feel like a "bruise mark" on the outside. Right off the bat I don't think it's normal and it seems like the guy might be a little too hard.. I don't feel it during sex. But is it something I can do about it?
Wh
Sara Andersen, sexologist:
Dear you,
Thank you very much for your question! <3
My immediate thought is that you do not have a dysfunction such as vulvodynia (vaginal opening pain) or vaginismus (cramps in the vagina), but primarily lubrication problems, which are usually due to a lack of desire and stimulation or the menopause.
The fact that you experience dryness and that it can then feel like a "bruise" may very well be connected. It could well indicate that some lubrication is missing in the form of natural moisture from the vagina or e.g. lubricant.
I feel like asking you if you masturbate, and if you then experience the same pain and irritation when you have had sex with yourself? It may well be that your idea that the guy is a little too hard on your abdomen is really enough - if there is not enough time set aside to stimulate you until you are ready for penetration. Your vulva may swell up, become sore on the outside and inside if there is a lack of moisture and the musculature in the vagina has not been relaxed.
There is lots of hot warm-up (hand sex and oral sex) and lube is fantastic! Take your time, sex is not just hard penetration, and when you expand the range in bed, the pleasure and desire expand <3
Speaking of penetration sex, my advice to you is to find out what works for you sexually, both mentally and physically, and experiment with masturbating/penetrating yourself with a dildo (and lube) in a nice quiet environment. Masturbation is a great way to get in touch with your abdomen and nurture your sexual self-image. Remember to have a good time and focus on enjoyment! Move the dildo however you want and how it feels nice to you.
When you have found out what is delicious for you, without experiencing pain afterwards, you can invite the guy in and tell him what is nice. Sex should not be stressful and you/your vulva are never a problem when it comes to warming up well before penetration! The reason I'm writing this is because a lot of people with vulvas may feel that it simply takes too long, and are afraid that those they have sex with will get impatient. It is typically heteronormative mainstream porn that has convinced us of that. But it's not all natural/biological, which is how things always go together. We are all built uniquely, and it is only natural that it takes some time. Remember that it is a lovely and enjoyable time filled with pleasure and lovely touch. Make sure you feel comfortable in the surroundings, your partner and most importantly yourself when you have sex <3
If you continue to experience pain and irritation, always see your doctor <3
