Stitches, postpartum reactions, sore breasts, cleaning baby bottles and sleepless nights with your little baby. It is not the most intimate setting to start the intimacy and sex life between you and your partner. Some will feel ready for sex shortly after giving birth, and for others it may take months or years - and both are completely natural.
Here you will get tips and good advice on how to get a good start in sex after you have given birth.
When can you have sex after giving birth?
Sex is much more than penetration, and luckily there are many lovely things you and your partner can do together to strengthen your intimacy and togetherness after childbirth.
Kisses, touches, stimulation of external genitalia, you can indulge as soon as you are ready.
And when it comes to penetrative sex, you basically have to have it when you feel ready. However, it is recommended that you wait until you no longer bleed or have pain in your abdomen after giving birth. And then it also depends on how bad the stretch marks are. In some cases, it is a good idea to either wait completely or protect yourself with a condom:
Wounds, lacerations and stitches
If you have ruptured a bit during childbirth and have had a few stitches, it may be advantageous to wait until you have healed. For minor ruptures, it may take around 14 days. And the more rest they get, the faster they heal - and there is also less risk of infections.
Bleeding from the uterus
If you have given birth vaginally, you will typically bleed for 2-8 weeks until the wound in your uterus, where the placenta has been, has healed. During this period, you are welcome to have sex if you feel ready for it. It is recommended to use a condom during penetration to reduce the risk of infection.
If you are in doubt, you can wait to have intercourse after the birth until you have had an 8-week check-up with your doctor. Here, the doctor can assess whether your abdomen has healed as it should.
How do we start the sex life again?
Even if your body is ready and you have received the go-ahead from the doctor, it is not certain that you yourself feel ready. After giving birth, many will experience mental barriers when it comes to being intimate with their partner. Therefore, it is important that you start slowly and have an open conversation about your thoughts about having sex.
You can start by lying close together and just holding each other. Start by kissing and caressing each other's bodies. That's it. It doesn't have to be more than that. Don't force it.
Can your partner get you pregnant, is contraception after birth also something you must have decided on before you have sex with penetration. Talk to your doctor about the right solution for you.
6 good tips for the first time after giving birth
1. Talk about sex - Have an honest talk about your thoughts and feelings about having sex after the baby is born and your body has changed.
2. Contraception after birth - You can easily get pregnant again immediately after giving birth - even if you are breastfeeding or have not yet had your period. So sex after pregnancy must also take place with contraception if you do not want to get pregnant (and if your partner can impregnate you).
3. Spontaneity vs. calendar agreement - If the sun, moon and stars are exactly right, so that spontaneity, desire and baby naps merge into a higher unity - then go for it! It can be difficult to fit sex into an everyday life where baby sets the agenda and does not necessarily sleep at certain times. And even if it doesn't sound particularly naughty to have to plan sex... it might help at the beginning that you plan a date in bed.
4. Go slow - Start gently and don't focus on orgasm or ejaculation. Feel yourself, your partner and take it at your own pace.
5. Lubrication - The hormones in your body can contribute to vaginal dryness. Therefore, it is a good idea to partner with a good lubricant if you have difficulty getting wet . Read any our guide which lubricant should I choose .
6. After care - Talk together after sex. It can trigger different emotions, the first times you have sex after birth and those that need to be taken care of.
What if it hurts?
Always listen to your body! Sex should be nice and feel good - so if you experience pain during intercourse after pregnancy, stop. Your abdomen has been through quite a bit, and maybe you've also got a few scars. So if it feels different or tenses up a bit, that's normal. But it shouldn't hurt.
Bleeding during intercourse after childbirth can come from wounds that have not yet healed or from the uterus. If you are worried, talk to your doctor.
3 good sex positions to start with after birth
In the following, we call one person the "giver" and the other the "recipient". The giver is the one who penetrates the other with either a penis, a finger or e.g. a dildo. And the recipient is the one being penetrated.
1. Missionary position - A classic and all-time opportunity to be extra close through eye contact and kisses. You lie belly to belly. The receiver lies on his back with the donor between his spread legs. The donor can penetrate the vagina or anus and can control the pace.
2. The Spoon - Who isn't ready for a spooner? Another classic, which at the same time does not require the big stretches - and thus a rather 'intercourse-after-birth-friendly' position. You are both lying on your side. The donor is behind the recipient and can penetrate the vagina or anus from behind. Here there is the possibility of firm grips and deep hugs.
3. Doggystyle - When we talk about classic sex positions, we cannot ignore the good doggystyle. This sex position is straightforward and is good for intercourse after birth. The recipient may put pillows and blankets under the upper body to be able to lie down better. The receiver lies down on all fours, while the giver stands resting on his knees behind him. From here, the giver can penetrate and maintain a firm grip on the recipient's hips.
And remember: It is completely normal to feel that it is difficult to start having sex again. Perhaps you will also benefit from reading our recommendations for the best sex positions and our guide why do I have difficulty getting turned on .
