Sex is good, sex is healthy. But sex is only consensual sex.
But how do you ask for consent?
It actually doesn't have to be that complicated. You do not need to send a questionnaire or a formal declaration of consent. Especially because consent can come and go, and you should therefore constantly check with your partner that you agree to have sex.
In the vast majority of cases, consent can be given using body language, eye contact and other physical signals. If you pay attention to your sex partner's signals, you should also be able to sense if consent no longer applies.
With that said, there may of course be situations where it may be difficult to sense. And here you should rather ask once too much than once too little.
But how do you ask? You can do this in many ways, and some are probably sexier than others. We've put together a list of great ways you can use to make sure you have consent when you have sex.
What is consent?
Sex is only sex if consent is given by both parties. Giving consent in a sexual sense means that all parties involved in a sexual act agree on what is to take place and express that they want to.
It doesn't always have to be in words, but can be expressed through the things you do and the way you behave towards each other. This can be, for example, if a person helps to take off their underwear themselves, or makes approaches to their partner.
Remember that consent can be withdrawn at any time, and if a person loses their desire or changes their mind along the way, this must always be respected. This also applies if you are the one who loses the desire - it is always ok to say no to sex, even when you are in full swing.
How is consent defined?
'Consent' is another word for 'agreeing about something'. Consent is a legal term for entering into an agreement. Such an agreement can be entered into in writing or orally. In a sexual context, consent does not need to be an oral or written agreement. Sexual consent can be given with bodily signals.
This is probably also what can seem a bit tricky for some. To be absolutely sure that your partner agrees with you that you should have sex, it is a good idea to also put it into words if you are in doubt.
There are legal rules for sexual consent, which means that if it is not given, it is no longer intercourse, but rape.
What is the Consent Act?
The Consent Act was introduced in 2020. The new Consent Act states that it is defined as rape if both parties had not given clear consent to sex. Previously, rape was only defined by whether violence, coercion was used or if a victim was unable to speak up.
The Consent Act makes it possible in practice to punish rape if a clear 'yes' to intercourse has not been given, where previously it was required that the victim had said a clear 'no'. The penalty for rape is up to 8 years in prison.
How do I ask for consent?
You don't have to ask in a formal way. Making sex with consent a practical and formal thing can feel like a party killer, but luckily you can ask in a way that fits better with the mood.
Among other things, you can ask what your sex partner wants and in that way check in with whether you are in the same place. You should always listen to the little hints that your partner gives, because some people can be difficult to say directly if they don't feel like it.
It is also a good idea to ensure during intercourse or foreplay that your partner is still comfortable with the situation. Therefore, you can, for example, use a simple question such as "Are you ok?" to check that what you are doing is correct.
8 good ways you can ask for consent
1. “Are you ok?”
2. “Is this ok?”
3. “Do you still want to continue?”
4. “Does this feel good to you?”
5. “Is this nice?”
6. “Do you like what I do?”
7. “What do you want me to do to you?”
8. “Do you want me?”
How can I be sure that the other person has consented to sex?
In many situations, you should be able to sense the other person's signals whether they are still giving consent or not. If you're both happy and I let you merrily along, if there's good eye contact, kisses and loving touches from both parties, it's a natural way to give consent.
But if you have even the slightest doubt as to whether there is still consent for sex, you should always ask your partner directly. Sex only takes place with the consent of both parties, which is why you'd better ask one too many times.
8 things you can say when you give consent
1. “This feels great”
2. “I Want You”
3. “I want to do… to you”
4. "You're welcome to keep doing that"
5. “I want you to do… to me”
6. “Take me!”
7. “Yes, keep going”
8. “This really turns me on”
How can I say no to sex in a good way?
Speaking up in a good way can be necessary in several situations. Both if you want to express that you don't feel like sex at all, or if you want to speak up about something you don't feel comfortable with.
Even if you have given consent previously, you can withdraw it at any time.
You don't have to say "no" in a nice way - your partner should always respect if you don't feel like it. Here are a few tips on how to say no thanks to sex.
9 good ways to say no to sex
1. “I don't feel like this”
2. “I just want to take it easy”
3. “I feel more like…” (e.g. kissing or sleeping together)
4. “Can we keep our clothes on?”
5. “Can we just take a break?”
6. “I just need a break to feel it out”
7. "I don't want this"
8. “This is beyond my limit”
9. “Stop”
Can you give consent if you are drunk?
Making sure you have consent to sex is even more important when you have been drinking alcohol. Your body's signals become blurred, and therefore body language is harder to read. If a person you want to have sex with is so intoxicated that they are unable to carry on a conversation, consent is not automatically given.
If a person is drunk, it is important that you look the person deeply in the eyes and make sure that you both agree that consent has been given. If this is not possible, you should stop immediately. If the other person is very drunk, it's actually a better idea to not have sex altogether.
Also read our guides on how to masturbate best , porn for women and anal sex .
