Sex fantasies. We all have them - even if we may not talk about them out loud. They are healthy and quite normal. Both when you satisfy yourself - and perhaps also when you are with a partner.
But what do others fantasize about? And what are the most popular sex fantasies? We asked Klub Venus' community on Instagram what naughty fantasies they masturbate to.
1. Domination and BDSM
"Bondage", "a dominant soldier in uniform", "he is bound, blindfolded and I have to do EVERYTHING" and "a muscular and masculine man who is completely obsessed with me and my body" were some of the answers from Club Venus' community. Fantasies about dominating and being dominated were clearly the most popular theme. If this is also one of the sex fantasies you have, and you dream of exploring BDSM irl, we have created the guide 13 good tips to get started with BDSM .
2. Public sex
"Sex at work", "sex in a cornfield", "sex on the roof of my old school" and "sex in public" answered several. And even though it sounds quite forbidden, you can actually have sex in public - you can read up on what you can and can't do in our guide Sex in the open: Here are the rules .
3. Sex with several people at once
Many people have fantasies about threesomes and gangbangs. Blue. were some of the answers we got: "Sex with many men at once", "giving my boyfriend a blowjob together with another woman" and "gangbang with ten men". If you yourself have a naughty dream about sex with more than one partner, you can dive into our blog post 8 good advice for you who are considering a threesome .
4. Sex with a strap on
Fantasies where one is wearing a strap on, there were also a few of them. Especially the idea of being penetrated by a partner, there are more people who turn on. The answers included: "To be held and penetrated with a strap on" and "she is wearing latex and penetrates me with a strap on". Are you also thinking about sex, where either you or your partner is wearing a strap-on, we have made the guide How to use a strap-on?
5. Voyeur and exhibitionist fantasies
"Watching my boyfriend get lost in another woman" and "being looked at during sex", some answered. Sex fantasies, where you either watch others having sex or are watched while you are having sex, are a hit in the Club Venus community.
6. Anal sex
Different forms of anal sex is a recurring theme in many fantasies. “Double penetration”, “anal fisting, “rimjobs and anal sex”. For some, anal sex is taboo and forbidden - maybe that's why it's extra exciting to fantasize about. But anal sex is also quite normal, even if you don't hear your friends talk about their own experiences. You can learn much more about the subject in our guide Anal sex: 4 good tips before you start .
7. Skewed power relations
Last but not least, fantasies where the power rested with the other were also represented. For example fantasies with a large age difference or where one receives money or gifts in exchange for sex. "Sugar dating" and "sex with my girlfriend's father" were some of the answers that landed in our inbox.
Are my sex fantasies normal?
The naughty fantasies that the members of Klub Venus' community dream away to, in reality, do not differ much from the sex fantasies of the rest of the world. A large American study from 2018 , which was made among more than 4,000 people, showed that there are generally seven different categories that our fantasies about sex fall into:
- Sex with more than one partner
- Rough sex where one has the power (e.g. fantasies about bondage and BDSM)
- Sex where something new happens (sex that takes place in a different place than usual, or that in some other way has a “new” element)
- Non-monogamy/open relationships (where a permanent partner has given permission for you to have sex with others)
- Taboos (sex that you perceive as “forbidden”)
- Romantic and passionate sex
- Erotic flexibility (sex where you explore your own gender identity and gender expression - or where you have sex with a partner who is not cisgender)
What do my sex fantasies say about me?
Imagination is not (always) an expression of what you really want. If you fantasize about being raped, it is of course not because you have a dream of being subjected to a violent assault in the real world. Just like you don't have to throw yourself into a threesome or go to a swinger club just because it's a recurring fantasy you have.
Some fantasies can easily remain fantasies. And others you can live out if you feel like it.
Rape fantasies can e.g. is lived out in reality with consent. It is part of the kink that is also called 'consensual non-consent': This means that you agree with your partners that you e.g. would like to be taken violently, dominated and "forced" into sex - even if you say no. Always remember to agree on a safe word in advance.
The great thing about fantasy sex is that it takes place in a safe space, where you can explore freely and nothing limits you.
But what do your most private and dirty daydreams say about you? Sex researcher, Ph.D. and psychologist Justin Lehmiller, who is behind the aforementioned study, has a suggestion for it:
"Overall, our fantasies reflect who we are and seem to be designed to meet our unique psychological needs," he explained in an interview with CNN , elaborating that there tends to be a correlation between your personality traits and what you fantasize about.
For example people who are extraverted and extroverted fantasize about non-monogamy and group sex more often—according to Lehmiller, anyway. This makes sense because extroverts like meeting new people. Similarly, people who are detail-oriented in the physical world are often also the ones who include the most details when their fantasy selves have sex.
But it is not always that you can equate what you like in reality and in your imagination. Because the study also showed that people who are very much in control on a daily basis enjoy being able to let go when they dream away in their own naughty thoughts, where they like to take on the submissive and submissive role: Perhaps because for them it is a kind of taboo, or because they can finally let go a little.
And then you probably shouldn't put too much effort into interpreting your sexual fantasies either. Instead, enjoy the fact that you have a sanctuary where you can have sex with whoever you want, when you want and how you want.
