How to last longer in bed? A question you are far from the first to ask if you have a penis and are sexually active. Most people have experienced ejaculation 'too early' - or at least earlier than they would like. For some it is something that happens once in a while, and for others it is something that happens often and often, and has started to fill as a frustration or shame.
But first of all, let's make it clear: Coming 'too fast' may not really be the right words to use, because who is to decide when it is the best time to come, or how long you should be able to last the bed. Don't expect to be able to hold back your ejaculation as long as the actors you may have seen in a porn movie. Because it is - yes - a movie.
At the same time, it is also perfectly fine to have a desire to be able to hold back ejaculation. We have put together a number of advice for you who feel you are coming too fast.
What is premature ejaculation?
Coming too fast. Rapid ejaculation. Or premature ejaculation, as medical science calls it. According to Sundhed.dk, the website of the National Health Service, premature ejaculation is defined as "ejaculation faster than three minutes after sexual activity has started". Some even experience getting faster than a minute into sex.
Why am I coming too fast?
There can be several reasons for the problem, and where it was previously thought to be due to psychological reasons, we now know that it is often a combination of mental and physical factors. Shame, trauma and stress can play a role, just as damage and disturbances in reflexes, the nervous system or the metabolism can also be a cause. Just to name a few. It is also known that premature ejaculation occurs more often in young people than in the elderly.
So how do you last longer in bed?
Fortunately, there is something to be done about it. There are several things you can experiment with at home either alone when masturbating or with a partner. If you still experience problems, contact your doctor. Premature ejaculation is a challenge you can get help with.
First of all, here are 9 good tips for you who come too quickly.
1. Talk to your partner - if you are in a relationship or have sex with a more or less permanent partner, it will be nice for both them and you to put words to the elephant in the room. Rapid ejaculation is often associated with taboo and shame, and precisely that can actually help to reinforce the problem. Therefore, it is a good idea to create a safe space for yourself, where your partner can help you find a solution.
2. Change your position - there are a lot of sex positions to choose from and some are better than others at delaying your ejaculation. Try a new position. Or change position during the act.
3. Use a condom - if you want to last longer in bed, you can experiment with using condoms of different thicknesses. Some are even available with numbing cream. The condom reduces the sensitivity of the penis while you are wearing it and this can delay your ejaculation.
4. Use a penis ring - a penis ring is a small silicone ring that you slide down around the root of the penis, and here it must sit while you have sex. The ring inhibits blood circulation and for some this means they last longer. There are also those who report that they experience a stronger orgasm when they have intercourse wearing a penis ring.
5. Use numbing ointment - a rapid ejaculation can also be delayed with the help of a little numbing ointment. It is one of the methods proposed by the Swedish National Health Service. You apply the ointment before you have sex - but make sure to wipe it off again if you want to penetrate your partner. Make sure you buy one that is intended for the purpose - ask if necessary. consult your doctor first.
6. Try tantra - tantra sex is known for precisely not focusing on ejaculation as 'the grand finale'. Therefore, it could be a good idea for you who are struggling with premature ejaculation to explore tantra with your partner. We have of course made a guide to tantra sex .
7. Masturbate before sex with a partner - masturbation one to two hours before you have to have sex is also worth testing. For some it works. For others, it means that they don't feel like sex when it finally happens, or that they can't get an erection. Experiment to find out if this is a tip you can use to last longer in bed.
8. Try the 'stop and squeeze' method - The Health Service also recommends a method where you or your partner have to 'squeeze' the penis. It is described like this 1) have sex as usual and stimulate the penis until you can feel that ejaculation is approaching. 2) Stop what you are doing and have your partner squeeze over the penis just behind the head of the penis - of course you can also do it yourself if you are having sex alone. Hold the grip for a few seconds until your urge to come goes away. 3) Let go and wait 30 seconds before resuming sex. 4) When you feel that you are about to come, repeat point 2. 5) Repeat as many times as you feel it is necessary and you are ready to come. If you do this every time you have sex, it will eventually become a habit not to have premature ejaculation.
9. Do pinching exercises - if you thought it was for people with a vulva, you're wrong. Control over your pelvic floor gives you better control over when you come. Also, if you are equipped with a penis. The Swedish Cancer Society has produced a detailed guide to pelvic floor exercises for people with a penis .
Rapid ejaculation does not have to mean that sex is over
Remember that sex does not necessarily end with ejaculation or orgasm. Sex can be great without it, and it can also be great to continue after one or both of you have come. And even though you may have come quickly and your erection has disappeared, there are several ways to continue. For example you can let a dildo or vibrator pick up where you left off, or you can give your partner oral sex. For that purpose, we have made the two guides how to give a good blowjob and how to lick pussy .
