How to get the vibrator into your relationship - Club Venus

5 good tips: How to get the vibrator into your relationship

The vibrator - a true friend in life. It may be that you have satisfied yourself with it for years. It may also be that the vibrations are completely new to you. One thing is certain: you can get even more out of your little vibrating friend when you introduce it into your relationship.

Unless, that is, it must continue to be your own little well-kept secret. Because that's also perfectly fine.

Don't you dare tell me I want to experiment with sex toys

Maybe you are unsure of how to get it said. It may also be that you are afraid of how your boyfriend will react when you tell him that you would like to introduce a vibrator or another toy into your sex life.

A third reason could be that you don't feel like you're "the kind of person who uses sex toys" - we can assure you that it's perfectly normal to bring toys to bed. And so even if your friends don't talk about it out loud.

If you and your partner don't usually talk about sex, if sex is something you just do, it can be even more difficult to break the silence and tell what you want - maybe it even becomes a taboo. And it shouldn't be like that.

Using a sex toy together, on yourself or on each other, is not a sign that you have a boring or bad sex life. Not at all. But toys can make sex more varied, more titillating and exciting.

What sex toys can we use together?

There are no rules about what types of sex toys you can use together. There are couple vibrators that are designed to both stimulate the clitoris and penis while you have sex. And there are dildos that are made so that two people with vulvas can be penetrated at the same time. Just as there are also small, fixed vibrators that can be controlled with a remote control or an app, even when you are not in the same room. Cheeky!

But you can also easily use an ordinary vibrator together: you can stimulate each other, you can stimulate yourself while your partner looks on, or you can each stimulate yourselves while you have sex.

Find more inspiration in our guide "How to use your vibrator" .

Know where your limits are

Sex with a vibrator should be fun and feel good. Notice where your own boundaries lie and if it doesn't feel right for you, say no or lovingly but firmly remove your sex partner's vibrating hand.

If you don't want to, both you and your partner must respect that.

Likewise, it's also a good idea to check in with your partner when using the vibrator or another sex toy on him or her. “Does this feel good? Do you like it?” etc.

Also experiment alone

It's both naughty and exciting to experiment together, but it can also be a good idea to play a little alone to get familiar with your body, the vibrator and what you like. Then you can later show your boyfriend how he best makes you feel good with the vibrator.

Buy quality

The number one rule when looking for a new shared sex toy is to buy quality. Your new vibrator must be able to withstand being used - again and again. It should preferably also be waterproof so that it can be washed after use. And then it must be able to last a long time on a charge. It is fairly anti-climactic to have to pause the play in the middle of it all because the vibrator needs to be recharged.

Use the vibrator on him

It's not just women who can get something nice out of sex with a vibrator. If your sex partner is equipped with a penis, you can give a blowjob while holding the switched-on vibrator against your cheek. It can also feel great to be gently vibrated on the perineum or scrotum.

Use the vibrator on her

If you are looking for inspiration on how to best use the vibrator on her, we recommend reading our guide to vibrators.

A good tip is to use the vibrator in more places than just on the clitoris - the female body has many more erogenous zones. And remember lube. It makes the vibrations feel even better.

How to introduce sex toys to your partner

There are many ways to say it. And if it's hard to put into words, you don't have to either - you can, for example, buy your first shared toy as a gift. Or find a vibrator from the drawer in the bedside table when you feel that the timing is right.

Here are 5 good tips on how to introduce your vibrator to your girlfriend:

Talk about it

If you are in a relationship where you talk openly about sex, tell your partner that you would like to use a vibrator the next time you are together. Maybe it's an unnatural topic to bring up while you're walking the dog on Sunday, but you can mention it a little casually the next time you're lying breathless on the sheets after sex: "It was nice. Is there actually something you think we should try. I've been thinking that it might be naughty/delicious/nice/fun to experiment with a vibrator…”.

Introduce a vibrator during sex

Pulling out a vibrator or a dildo and starting to use it on yourself or your partner, without asking first, can be over the top for your partner. You must both be with the doctor. But if lasciviousness and desire make you a little braver, you can gently stop your partner while you're well into it and say: "... I was thinking that maybe we could try this one...?".

Give a vibrator as a gift

It can be both a cute and cheeky way of saying it: buy a vibrator for your girlfriend as a gift, wrap it nicely and give it to her when the mood suits. Or leave it as a little surprise on the bed. It can be an easy way to say it - then you don't have to put it into words. And once you've given the gift, there's no going back.

Start small

If you haven't used toys before, it can seem overwhelming to start out with an advanced vibrator that can be used in many ways, or a huge flesh-colored dildo. Start with a small vibrator such as a bullet vibrator or aclitoris vibrator .

Show your partner what you like

When you have finally been introduced to your new vibrator, you can show your girlfriend or sex partner how she or he should use it on you. Take the vibrator in your hand yourself, or grab your partner's hand while he's holding the vibrator, and then move it however you like it best.