Why do I have a hard time getting turned on?

There can be many answers to that question. But one thing is certain: You should not feel alone or wrong if you have difficulty getting turned on.

Because you are not the only one. There are many more than you out there who either have a hard time getting turned on or are horny. It can be annoying if you actually want to feel turned on before sex. It can be stressful if you feel like you have to get turned on to please your partner. And it can be frustrating if you feel like something is wrong with you.

There isn't.

Hard to turn on

There can be many reasons why you don't get turned on:

Your relationship is no longer new and the first crush is over.
You have bad experiences with sex.
Birth control pills with a high estrogen content affect your sex drive.
You feel pressured to have sex.
Fatigue and stress in everyday life kill your sex drive.

And there are probably more reasons than those.

Maybe it's less important to find out why you have difficulty getting turned on and instead explore how to find the contact that can ignite your desire for sex.

Can't get turned on? - Get your brain involved

Lust is an interaction between brain and body. Therefore, fantasies can be a way to practice getting turned on. If you think you would like to have sex with your boyfriend or partner later today, you can already start fantasizing in the hours before:

Imagine how you will have sex. How your lover should touch you or how you should touch him or her. If it's hard to form images in your head, think back to a time when something turned you on and replay it like a movie for your inner gaze.

You can also decide to fantasize every night before you go to sleep to practice getting turned on. Make up a naughty story in your head. Notice if there is something that turns you on and use that element again the next time you fantasize and make up more stories about that theme.

If you need inspiration for your fantasies, you can e.g. read sex novels or watch pornographic films. You can find recommendations for websites with porn movies in our guide to porn for women .

Learn to turn your body on

Now you have the head. Then it applies to the body. It becomes easier to ignite your desire when you know your body and know how it likes to be touched. If sex is completely new to you, then it is a good idea to read our guide to the woman's abdomen, which guides you to e.g. where the clitoris is located . In it you can also read about the erogenous zones.

And precisely the erogenous zones are important when you have to find out which buttons to push to make your body horny and want to have sex. The erogenous zones are the areas of your body that, with gentle and loving touch, can arouse the desire for sex.

Exploring your body using sex toys can also be effective. If you have not used, for example, a vibrator before, you will probably discover completely new aspects of your desire. Vibrators are available with several functions: some are small and almost tickle you intensely, others use zones to create deep, lovely vibrations. You can learn how to use a vibrator in our guide: How to use a vibrator .

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Can you have sex without being turned on?

Yes, you can do that. And really, there's nothing wrong with having sex when your body isn't turned on, as long as your head actually wants to have sex. Sometimes the body needs to be turned on first with foreplay, with kisses and touches.

Maybe you've noticed before that your body gets turned on when you're having sex. It may be a good idea to make the foreplay even longer, so that you can find your lust and your body can be turned on.

Just remember that you and your head have to want to get horny before you throw yourself into sex.

Find even more inspiration on how to get turned on in our guide to getting your sex drive back .

READ ALSO: Why can't I get wet?

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